Within every moment I experience, only fear creates with every step I take to each classroom I step into. I walk through that History-filled room, seeing angry faces filled with hate. Most of them do not know my hobby or love for video making, some of them know me for how stupid my videos are and how much trouble I am about to be in. I have been suspended from school for 3 days because I placed a piece of art I recorded on October 30. I didnot know and never again will I record a classroom. I have been pressing that record button inside of my classes for 2 years and I should not be reported to an assistant principals office, sitting in that brownish, reddish chair being yelled at by an older man for what I did.

I am hated by most of the cheerleaders at my new school and I really do not like it. I have been hated before in my old school and I cannot be hated anymore.

The man of my dreams is now living in my home and what makes things alot worse is that his ex-girlfriend is obsessed with him. She continues to call and text him about how much she cannot let go of him or how much she loves him. She gets all clingy then she pushes him away. I really do not know what I should do about this but all I can do is hold him and let him know its ok. I don't want him to cry in front of me and make me feel like there isn't anything I can do. I constantly feel unable to hold him or unable to carry him through his life because he cries and is connected with his ex-girlfriend too. They have history together but I don't know anything about that. I can't tell him off or even call her and get mad at her because I know it'll make her commit suicide which will make him commit the same crime. I can't say anything, I can only watch. I can't do or say anything because if I do, he'll get mad and walk off. I can't have him sleeping in a ditch under a bridge or sleeping in the park somewhere. I don't want him to tell me things I don't want to hear. He tells me alot of things and when he tells me that he loves me he sounds distant. When I say it, he tells me the same only it is more of whisper. Somehow I don't feel connected when he says it. And it has only been 2 days since he first moved in. He has been acting strange all day and I just don't know what to do.

I have no phone until tomorrow. I feel distant from my friends and worst of all, I can't text my boyfriend. My phone bill has not been paid for a few days. I don't like it when my mother does these things because I can't call anyone that I need to and if someone needs to call me what am I supposed to do. I can't tell my mother pay it now its just rude of me to speak to an adult in that way, especially my own mom.

Anyway, I hope Joey posts something about her website soon. I'm starting to grow distant from YouTube and MySpace. It's getting a little... Boring.

-BrownWolf2